It’s not personal.

I have a philosophy of life. You live it to the full, grabbing adventures and opportunities, laughing a lot, having excitement, and never settling for less than the best. This applies to all aspects of my life including my business. In fact, how I approach networking is that “you don’t have to be serious to be serious about business”[1].

So, what’s the problem?

Well, those people who ‘get’ me and my approach may be surprised to learn that some people don’t like my approach. I’ve been told that I’m overwhelming, I’m frivolous about networking, and that business is serious and should be treated seriously. I am happy that people feel able to voice their opinion. I also like that, as with any such feedback I receive, I can listen, think about it, and then change my behaviour, or not.

One person summed it up nicely “You’re a Marmite kind of person” I’m happy with that. Whoever we are, whatever we are like, someone won’t like us, the way we act, speak, how we dress…you get the idea. It might be that if people give us feedback they are trying to be helpful. For example, it might be they are giving advice based on how you are dressed and how the customers you are trying to attract dress.

During our lives, both personal and business, we make decisions that others may not like, approve of or support. That’s fine. Their opinion is based on their life and business experiences and their approach to life. Don’t worry, it isn’t personal. It can feel personal, but it really isn’t.

  • Potential customers say no to your product for all sorts of reasons.
  • Existing customers stop using your product for all kinds of reasons.

Think about when you decided that you didn’t want to use, or continue to use, a particular supplier…how often was that decision based on some personal reason?

You may want to reflect on any feedback they give you, and then change your product, process, system, or behaviour…or you may not. Because, whatever you decide, it’s not personal.

What do you think?

In the meantime, here’s my gift to you to help with you networking, my Top 20 networking tips .

Have fun, stay safe.

Glenys


[1] Thanks to Lesley Morrisey for this strapline

Don’t ask? Don’t get!

Whenever I wish someone a happy birthday I say “May your day be filled with love, laughter, fun and cake” which, to my mind, is a recipe for a perfect life, not just for a birthday. People then say variations of “Thank you” and I then ALWAYS ask “Will there be cake?” then, and because I am a very supportive person, I offer to help with any leftovers. Suffice to say I have never received any cake and I thought this was always going to be the case. Then one of my Linkedin connections said, “Where do you live?”

We discovered that we live about a mile apart. How amazing is that? Then she said, and this is not verbatim,” I’ve got loads of cake because apart from being my birthday I have also launched my book. I’ll bring some round”. Gasp! And she did! We had a lovely chat, with me about 4 metres away from her, and her being very respectful of the distancing. Then my beloved and I sat down to a cup of tea and some delish cakes (it was mid-afternoon on a Saturday afternoon when she arrived in case you are wondering).

When networking, I always want people to ask me for what they want or need. Why? Because I am always fabulous, but I am never going to be a mind reader (which is probably a good thing!). This applies to you and everyone you meet. If you need something you have to ask. That’s one of the reasons we network: people want to help. Don’t be pushy when asking, but that always applies in networking—and life—because no one likes pushy. Ask, don’t demand. Don’t get disillusioned or upset if you don’t get what you ask for, that’s how life goes. But one day you will ask someone like Elizabeth Forbes-Stobbe and you will get what you ask for and strengthen a connection.

What do you think?

In the meantime, here’s my gift to you to help with you networking, my Top 20 networking tips .

Have fun, stay safe.

Glenys

The answer’s always “No”

One of the lessons I have been taught is that, until I ask the question, the answer, in my head, is always “No”. In business this often takes the form of delaying making that call or sending that email to ask a potential customer if they want to go ahead with that work. I think of a hundred and one things that are more important, like clearing out cupboards, tidying paperclips or looking out of the window, all the while thinking, they’ll say “No” and that will be awful. Then, courage in hand, I contact them, and they say “So glad you have called/emailed. Yes let’s get this moving”.

Why do we do this? Why do we always think that the answer will be “No”? It is because our brains are hardwired to think of negatives rather than positives. We know at some basic level that negatives can kill us. Evolution has taught us that we need to remember bad things because then we are better able to keep ourselves away from similar situations. When I was seven I was stung by a nest of wasps. As a child I really avoided wasps after that. So, when I see a wasp I remember having to have the wasps combed out of my hair, the pain of the stings and the awful camomile lotion. Now when I see a wasp I ‘talk myself down’. There is only one or two, not hundreds. I can take myself away from the situation, and there are some great wasp killers on the market. Now when I see a wasp I deal with it and move on, telling myself that it’s great that I managed a situation and refocus on the lovely day.

This brain processing is called negative bias by psychologists and knowing this can help manage our actions and our thoughts. We can decide to let the negative fester, or we can manage it. Imagine you are having a lovely day and then someone cuts you up on the road. Instead of thinking what a lovely day you are having, your brain is programmed to focus on the negative event. At this point you need to decide will you have a bad moment, or will you have a bad day? You choose because the answer will always be “No” in your head.

Need more help with you networking? Please accept my gift of Top 20 networking tips .

Have fun, stay safe.

Glenys

How are you doing?

It is almost a year since the first lockdown in England, when we were told to stay home in an attempt to stop this horrendous virus. If you read my blogs regularly (thank you) you will know that this time last year I was knocked sideways, see “Being hit by a two by four”: https://www.ebn.uk.com/blog/?p=145 as my business seemed to have disappeared and I was getting letters, phone calls and texts giving dire warnings about going past my own front door.

 I know, whatever challenges I have faced, some others have faced worse. We have all valiantly battled with virtual meetings, working out the etiquette, lighting, camera angle whilst at the same time dealing with strange hairdos, barking dogs, deliveries arriving in the middle of meetings, people drilling outside the room we are working in…you know what I am talking about.

 It’s been a long year, while, at the same time, time has flown. As we learnt how to get connected, unmute and mute, and leave a meeting by saying goodbye, doing the obligatory wave and then have to find the leave button. People have shared their problems, both business and personal, we have laughed together, and tried to make sense of what is happening and how we deal with it, together. This is what networking has always meant to me—having people around me who give advice, support, and refer people to me so my business grows. Networking has meant I have helped others when they have challenges and celebrated their successes.

In all this malarkey all the pluses of networking have remained, and we have dealt with the minuses. We have tried to remain positive, even when things were uncertain and sometimes basically frightening.

In the last month however, things seem to have changed. As one contact said: “I can see a light at the end of a tunnel and for the first time in ages I don’t think it’s a train coming towards me”. People are getting their injections and we are on our way to safety, to getting back to meeting people without fear. Life will not be the same, many of us have learnt new ways which will be carried over even when we are allowed to meet in face-to-face. It will be fantastic, I cannot wait, and I know others feel the same. What I hope is that we do not lose that deeper sharing, that people continue to feel they can talk about how they are doing as well as how their business is doing.

Since networking is about building relationships, please accept my gift of Top 20 networking tips by following this link: ebn.uk.com and complete the form to download your copy.

Have fun, stay safe.

Glenys

Time is of the essence. Part 2

You will probably not be surprised to know that I do a lot of networking. Now, of course, networking is my only business, so I do it as business as well as for business. But I have always done networking as a major part of my marketing, whatever business I have owned. The result of all this activity is that I meet lots of wonderful people. However, I have a problem…I forget things. (Strangely this is getting worse the older I get so I think maybe my brain has reached storage capacity.)

Often this memory loss looks like this: after the event I gaze at the business card I have from someone (or in these virtual days I gaze at the chat, or at a picture on LinkedIn). (Actually, LinkedIn photos are a whole other blog) and I gaze but can I remember them, no.

I am sure I am not alone in this memory glitch syndrome, so I thought I’d share what I do when doing the obligatory follow-up*. The upshot of this reality of my life is that I have a rule, which is: if there are any outstanding follow-ups from the previous week still outstanding they always get done on a Monday. Why? Because:

  • People don’t get forgotten, and feel ignored (yes they might contact you, but they may not, and your marketing should not be dependent on other people making the best use of their networking),
  • I have a clear ‘to do’ list as I start the new week’s networking, and given the memory issue,
  • I can say “Great/good/lovely to meet you last week” and I know I have met them last week!

So, when networking and building relationships, time, for me, is really of the essence.

Need some help with your networking?

Go to: www.ebn.uk.com  and download my Top 20 Networking tips.

Have fun, stay safe.

Glenys

* Don’t do follow ups? Go to: https://www.ebn.uk.com/blog/?p=57 to find out why I think you should.

Time is of the essence. Part One

Recently I was talking to a business contact. He was quite annoyed because he had made a referral between two of his contacts. One, let’s call her Freda, he had known for a long time, and needed a supplier and the other, let’s call him Gilbert, he had known for a year or two and could have been that supplier. Why was my contact annoyed? Because earlier in the day Freda had told him that Gilbert had not been in touch, and it had now been over a month since the referral had been made.

When someone makes a referral, their reputation is on the line, and that needs to be protected. So, if someone makes a referral, we have an obligation to contact the person who may need your services, even if we think that you may not be able to do the work. And whatever the outcome I think we then need to contact the person who has made the referral and update them (I’m assuming that they have been thanked previously) and we need to do that in a timely fashion and for me that is within a day, or at the latest a couple of days, of getting the referral.

Now my contact has been embarrassed because he has recommended Gilbert, who has not bothered to get in touch with Freda. His relationship with Freda should be repairable, but maybe not. What has also happened is Gilbert’s reputation has been demolished because my contact will never refer any work to him, Freda will not refer any work to him, and both will be honour-bound to tell of their experience if Gilbert’s name gets mentioned.

So, when you get that referral remember they could have recommended someone else. Even if you don’t care about someone else’s reputation—which, in my opinion, is strange and unprofessional—remember that your reputation is on the line too. Make that call, send that email, because time is of the essence!

Have fun, stay safe

Is it OK to lick people?

There seems to be a change in the atmosphere. The news is more positive, jabs are being given and people are starting to talk about what will stay virtual once we are able to meet face-to-face again. Certainly, people have said that some things which they always did face-to-face will now stay virtual and some things will go back to face-to-face as soon as it is possible.

This has got me thinking about how my opinion has changed since the first lockdown. I had thought that I need to meet someone to know if I liked them. That is no longer true. Since 23rd March 2020 I have met some great new, strong contacts and I have never met them. We have never shaken hands or chatted over a sticky bun. I have also met some people who I wouldn’t want to spend any more time with. (See: https://www.ebn.uk.com/blog/?p=154)

This year we launched our afternoon networking events. They are, and will always be, virtual. They are different from our Groups because: there is no membership involved (although if you are a member they are free to attend), they are afternoon meetings, not over breakfast and people can come and go as they wish within the two hours of the event. Still great people to meet, and since people are coming from all over I may never meet these people face-to-face, but now I know that my ‘Spidey senses’ are able to separate the two types of people.

So, soon we may be able to safely meet. We can, as appropriate, shake hands, hug, kiss. People who know me know I get quite excited, so, my question is—is it ever OK to lick people rather than ice cream?

Need some help with your networking?

Go to www.ebn.uk.com and download my Top 20 Networking tips.

Have fun, stay safe.

Glenys

Quality not quantity

Quite often people contact me to enquire about attending one of our Groups, or, more recently, one our new afternoon networking events. (Here’s more info: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/afternoon-networking-tickets-136617202731?aff=ebdssbonlinesearch )

We talk about various aspects of our networking, membership (or not), virtual or face to face (All virtual for now, and always will be for the afternoon meetings). However, at some point some ask the following question, ”…and how many people attend?”

To be honest this is where I lose some interest in the conversation. Why? because I have always worked on the ‘quality not quantity’ principle when it comes to networking. Some people seem to think that the more people there are, the better any event is. Not true in my experience. I was once invited to an event in London and I was told afterwards that there had been over 600 people at the networking event. It was horrendous: so noisy you couldn’t hear yourself think, and people were so packed in that, being short, the taller people took away my air and light.  After about 15 minutes I gave up, I left the room and wandered around the hotel till I found a small bar, and guess what? There I met other people who had ducked out of the main event.

I had a great time. I met some people I knew, they introduced me to some people I didn’t know, and I reciprocated. In the end there were about 5 small groups of people getting to know each other, either with initial meetings or building deeper relationships with people we already knew. Fantastic networking. We exchanged cards and kept in touch and from that small number of people I have grown my contact base and the relationships have been mutually beneficial. That’s what networking about: quality not quantity.

If you would like some more ideas to make your networking work, go to: www.ebn.uk.com and download my top 20 tips.

Have fun.

Just a little frog list

If you read my blogs, in any of the options, you’ll know that I am doing loads of new stuff at the moment and the only thing they have is common is that they are all taking me outside my comfort zone (see https://www.ebn.uk.com/blog/?p=211). In fact, it’s gotten to the point where I have a “Frogs to eat” list! (Thank you Mark Twain.)

Lots of people have helped me, both real people and YouTube experts. All have different specialisms, but all seem to have three things in common. They

  • all know their stuff and are clear about what they don’t know,
  • are happy to share their knowledge,
  • all use the word ‘just’ when telling me stuff, as in “You just click on that”.

Now this may be just me being a bit paranoid, but it seems that when I “Just click on that” the same thing that happened when they “Just clicked on that” doesn’t happen. It might be that the recording is old, and the information is out of date, or it may just be the technology fairies messing with me. Either way it doesn’t end well.

During a recent sleepless night, when the frog list wouldn’t let me settle into my snuggly pillow, I suddenly realised that it wasn’t the frog list that was worrying me, it was the word ‘just’. Because when an expert says “Just do this” they are basing this on years, if not decades, of knowledge, of doing that thing. So ‘just’ to me means possibly hours of head scratching, pencil chewing and hair pulling…and of course dreaming of frog lists.

So, I have learnt three things:

  • when a real someone says “just…” I suppress the urge to weep, and I ask them for clarification,
  • when a virtual someone says “just…” I suppress the urge to weep and click to another person,
  • when I hear myself saying “Just…” I ask if they understand what needs doing.

My question to you, therefore, is—is this just me?

If you want some help with your networking, go to www.ebn.uk.com and download my top 20 networking tips.

Have fun!

Having a virtual bubble

Well, it’s all done and dusted and the remains of the turkey, which as always, was of ostrich proportions, is sliced, diced and frozen. Now into the New Year, when my mantra for 2021 will be “Never talk about 2020” I’m going to get my last CoVid-19 comment in.

Every four months I visit all my Groups, have 1-2-1s with Group Directors and, at Christmas, take this as an opportunity to wear one of my elf outfits (FYI I have three). This year the Group meetings were quite emotional, as people said “thank you” to other members, the GDs and, a few times, me. During one meeting a member summed it up by saying that their Group had become their ‘virtual bubble’, providing a safe place with people who would support them, whether with their business or their wobble days when emotionally they were not coping so well.

This member then said something that made my heart glad, and my eyes moist, they said “Glenys you should be very proud of what you have created”, and, you know, when I took time to think about it, I am proud. I’m proud that people have felt able to share their concerns, maintain and grow their businesses, supported each other and are still standing at the end of this year. When I decided that all our meetings would be held under the Chatham House Rule (what is said in the meeting cannot be attributed outside of the meeting) I did it so that people can have a place of safety where they could share their concerns without fear that it was going to appear on the 9 o’clock news.

This has worked and continues to work. Within each Group people have shared and been supported. People have visited and joined because they have seen the worth, experienced the ethos and felt supported. And, since business can be a lonely place, I am proud of what I, my GDs and my members have achieved

When we are in business we worry about all sorts of things—staff, customers, cashflow seems to cover it for me. We celebrate when the business grows, when we get that contract, when our team grows, when we need larger premises, and we agonize when the business shrinks, or we don’t get that contract, when we have to make difficult decisions about our team members, and we realise that maybe we didn’t need such a large office.

Rarely do we take time to feel proud, of what we’ve achieved; the business we’ve developed and nurtured. However we started our business, whether from scratch or buying something that we have then moulded and grown—I’ve done both—it has taken persistence, passion, strength and commitment. So today, as you read this and we head into a brighter 2021, let’s all take a moment to feel proud of what we have achieved.

My New Year gift is some support for your networking in 2021. Go to www.ebn.uk.com and download my Top 20 tips.

Have fun, stay safe

Glenys